Monday, April 14, 2008

Self Ache

Yes my tenderness inflates, to see your eyes shine for me
Yes my integrity deflates, to look closer when I try to lean
Yes I sob, letting go of the fervor
But it makes me even by emanating firmness

Yes my piety arouses me, to feel your arms around
Yes my trust fails me, to feel a shrink when I try to give out
Yes it pinches trying to forget your warmth
But it makes me win one more breath, without a gasp

Yes my insanity soothes me, to see you boast for my wins
Yes my rationality questions me, to look around and find someone else therein
Yes it seethes me, to give up on the pride
But it makes me wiser than the one you tried to ride

Yes the air melts me, to hear you call out for me
Yes the reality freezes me, to sense infidelity as I try to decrypt
Yes it breaks me, getting out of your oily spells
But it makes me soar and feel my own self

Yes my passion unbinds me, to know that I mean the most to thee
Yes my knowledge binds me, to realize that it has all been a fantasy
Yes its hard, to open my eyes and forgive
But it makes me nurture my soul and know that I exist!

~Saira Andleeb


Syra said...

reminds me of "betrayed by the false within" from Isbah's blog.

Saira Andleeb said...

Syra paste the link

Amir said...

Some would have written pages after pages, trying to build characters, to elaborate the emotions ... but you have done it in a few lines ... bravo girl :)

Nice blog this is shaping out to be :)

Syra said...

see the passion part on that page and link it to

"Yes my passion unbinds me, to know that I mean the most to thee
Yes my knowledge binds me, to realize that it has all been a fantasy
Yes its hard, to open my eyes and forgive
But it makes me nurture my soul and know that I exist!"

Saira Andleeb said...

@Amir: 'some' who :P ... there is a 'some'body who does that and i think his work completely outweights mine in every way! :) ... his name alludes me ... hmmmmm Amar i think ?? :P

Comments from a writer like you are Ultra-flattering for me ! :) Thanks ;)

@Saira: yup, the poem is abt the realisation of the "betrayal by the false within" and the struggle to depurate ones soul of it.


Hasham said...

That sure is a good pattern of existence!

khany said...

you call it 'self ache' but it sounds like 'liberation' to me!
i suppose you prefer to dedicate it to the journey because the destination was merely coincidental?

Saira Andleeb said...

Yes it is more about liberation !
Its called "Self-Ache" because its all about (/dedicated) to the decision of taking the painful path,the journey of bearing with it, and patiently struggling to reach the destination. The destination was not at all coincidental, it was desperately desired and struggled for long, and fortunately achieved as well !

khany said...

this is puzzling.
you seem to be saying that the aching and paining was planned and self inflicted so you could reach the desired destination?

from reading this poem (and the other one in urdu, both seem to have a common inspiration), i was left with the distinct impression that the pain was not desired but incidental.

what seems to have been desired is possibly the opposite of pain. if the pain was in deed coincidential then how can it be that the destination made accessible by this pain is fully determined?

Saira Andleeb said...

Think of it as gettng into a rehab, to get rid of some drug addiction. The knowledge that going to the rehab (getting rid of the pleasue provided by the drug) is gonna be painful is there. One is also fully aware of the emotional and physical destruction it is causing, whose aching might/could not be felt at that time. But the faith and hope that goin through the painful time in rehab is gonna help you accquire a level of peace which in every way overweighs the pleasure provided by the drug, makes you pull through and reach that point (destination) where your not dependant on that humiliating pleasure anymore.

The poem is more about taming your nafs, saying no to the (deceiving) pleasure listening to it can bring and bearing that temporary pain for some bigger good.
So the path is planned, with full understanding of the "aching" its gonna bring, to save yourself from worse; the worse that not every head can understand!

Now read the poem again and tell me if it makes more sense now :)

One more thing, this poem and the one in urdu dont have a common inspiration. "Self Ache"is more abt how and why to say not to some humiliating pleasure for your peace."hau sakta tau" is trying to show regret over not letting go of the pleasure at the right time.