Written

"The pens have been lifted and the ink has dried." Prophet Muhammad [At-Tirmithi]

Every time im struck with the pain of breaking out of the deluding strums of this world. I read what I wrote the last time I was there. Its like writing all those times in my life I had unknowingly defined the pattern for my destiny. Those writings/tales not just contain inside them experiences from my past but surprisingly my future too. For every new happening it feels I dont need to tell a new story. The old stories suffice fairly. It is as if I have lived all there is to life in those first few iterations of the cycle of my life. Yet for every new delusion I feel as happily imbecilic as before and for every new closure to it I feel even more deteriorated.

"And Allah wants to lighten for you [your difficulties]; and mankind was created weak." ~Quran (4:28)

From Loneliness to Solitude

Picture by Aks Pixels

At a time when an ailment/calamity expires your body and nerves, everyone leaves you. Every human master will comprehend it to be a disobedience. Every human lover will comprehend it to be an infidelity. For people only have a taste for things that are all fixed. For people are more stubborn about hating than loving.

تو بچا بچا کے نہ رکھ اسے ، تیرا آئنہ ہے وہ آئنہ

کے شکستہ ہو تو عزیز تر ہے نگاہ آئنہ ساز میں 

اقبال ~

You're left alone to confront your worst fears. Once you learn to embrace them patience falls to your rescue. Loneliness transforms into solitude. It is then you realize that the unrest overwhelmed your senses, only because you didn't want everyone to leave you alone; only because you couldn't let go of everything that never wanted to be yours.

 جو میں سر بہ سجدہ ہوا کبھی، تو زمین سے آ نے لگی صدا 
تیرا دل تو ہے صنم آشنا، تجھے کیا ملے گا نماز میں 

اقبال ~

Blessed?!

"I'm worse at what I do best,
And for this gift I feel blessed"

From the song "Smells like teen spirit" by Nirvana

Closured Distance

Sometimes you experience these closures with people in finitudes that distance can never be imagined and it comes as a perpetual bombshell.

I Long for those Days

I long for the days when we'll be together,
When the sun will shine brighter on the nice weather
When the sun will dry the oceans of my tears,
And our love will bloom the flowers that withered
When the birds will compose a song for us,
When I'll listen to the voices I long to hear,
When the moon will light specially for us,
When the wind will forget the harshness it bears,
When the days will be smaller and the nights become longer,
When hand in hand like birds we'll fly together,
When everything will be just fine for us,
I just ... long for those days!

(I wrote this poem when I was 11/12 years old. I dont remember exactly why I wrote it. It doesn't sound very august or impressive now, but theres something still very very warm about it :)).

Vulnerability, a Strength

"Vulnerability is the greatest strength a person can have. You can't experience life without feeling life. Being vulnerable to somebody you love is not a weakness, it's a strength. Sadness, joy, love, wonder--all feelings--come from a place of grounded strength that comes from trust in yourself.
We spend so much time trying to control our feelings out of fear that something may happen, that somebody may not love us, or walk away or die. It's only when you stop living in that fear of what other people might do to you or how they will react, only then are you free to be alive."

~Morton S. Pruce

The Letter that Let Life Go

"I wish for the day when I don’t remember you anymore.

Life, for once was perfect; seeing you was like losing all senses of sorrow and pain, being with you was like having dreams float around me like wayward clouds. Whatever there was between us was made of joy; it never stopped drizzling. With you, I never wanted another sunshine.

But then attentions diverted, new faces, new names, new curves laid in our path; taking a right turn doesn’t always make you right. Our story was never clichéd, but it seems that our end will be. When you sat in the church, right next to me and asked me to never doubt your sincerity; I knew there was something wrong, you never had to ask me this. You knew, I would never doubt you; and I would know that there was something, some path, some curve you had chosen for yourself which would make me doubt you, your intentions, your sincerity.

Taking a right turn doesn’t always make sense.

You chose another path; a path where I would never walk, a turn I would never take. What went wrong, I know. Time elapsed. Time that was suppose to stay between us. There is still time between us; but that of a distance, that of a memory. And that time will always keep adding to itself.

Your will for change will take you away from me and my arrogance will not let me stop you. This is how it is, this is how it will always be. I never got tired of looking at your face, but now this is the face that’s fading away in my memory. Your voice is a distant whisper; your eyes a hazy glimmer.

I am not going to wait for the day when I won’t be able to recall your face.

Today is that day."

~Amar Saleem

P.S. I just love this piece of writing by Amar!

"I am not young enough to know everything"

Sean: A Psychiatrist
Will: A kid who thinks he knows everything and doesnt need therapy.

Sean: Thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me... fell into a deep peaceful sleep, and haven't thought about you since. Do you know what occurred to me?

Will: No.

Sean: You're just a kid, you don't have the faintest idea what you're talkin' about.

Will: Why thank you.

Sean: It's all right. You've never been out of Boston.

Will: Nope.

Sean: So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, "once more unto the breach dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you... I don't see an intelligent, confident man... I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my fucking life apart. You're an orphan right?

Will: [nods].

Sean: You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally... I don't give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you, I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.

~Another scene from Good Will Hunting.
Source: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119217/quotes